Odometer Update: The Drive to 300K

Alright, I don’t know if Ford would sponsor a comedian, but if Ford were to do so, I think I would be a wonderful candidate. I drive a 2003 Ford Focus and let’s just say that lately folks have been pretty impressed with the odometer. People come up to me in the street and go, “Hey, how many miles you got on that thing?”
And I say, “GUESS!”
Then I pause dramatically.
“Try…Two-hundred and EIGHTY one THOUSAND!” and I make a grandiose sweeping gesture with my hand.

They “ooh” and “ah” of course – the natural human reaction to such a feat.
Then I thank them for not guessing too high, because that would have ruined my thunder.

The conversation often evolves to questions like, “Have you had any major repairs?”
“No, not really. Just brakes and the usual.”
“Wow! That’s crazy! You should get Ford to sponsor you.”
And I’m like, “I KNOW. If only, I understood…how things work, then I totally would do that.”

Here is a professional picture I took using my Verizon Android HTC smart phone (I also welcome any kind of phone sponsorship):



Originally when I hit 200,000 I had an idea to document my travels every 1,000 miles. However, procrastination is a tricky thing. It’s difficult to watch your own procrastination literally pile up in literal odometer form, literally right under your nose. It’s been 82,000 miles of procrastination; procrastination that would drive me three times around the world (not literally though, I’d sink in an ocean). That’s the kind of procrastination, that if you took 82,000 adult llamas, and they each stood on each other’s shoulders, there would be a llama ladder stretching to Jupiter. Actually, that’s not true, I just made that up because it sounds impressive. I doubt the llama ladder would reach the ozone layer. Literally!

But I’ll tell you one thing I haven’t procrastinated on, and that’s driving. Boy howdy, have I been pounding the pavement. Why, I bet I’ve seen 10,000 Walmarts and 20,000 Subways. I bet I’ve passed 8000 Applebee’s, 3000 Chipotle’s, 72 Tim Horton’s, and ten million trees (just a ballpark). Speaking of which, I bet I’ve passed 1000 ballparks.

I’ve been scrolling the online Ford forums, and I’m not finding many folks above 250K (or even 220 for that matter). There is a rumor of someone with a Focus over 450K, but I have yet to see evidence. Probably just some eccentric lone wolf who may or many not be fudging his numbers. And by “eccentric lone wolf” I mean, “a hero of mine.”

Since I’m now closing in on 300K (i.e. the dream) I intend to keep you (my fans) updated. Now that I’m in New York the miles I do drive will be more intense, which means these last 19,000 could be the hardest. Time to get FOCUSed (cue motivational driving music such as the Bourne Identity soundtrack, or maybe Adele’s “Someone like you”).

Here is the music video for Adele’s “Someone like you.” Completely unrelated but very catchy (the first few seconds might be an ad so make sure to wait that out):


2 Responses to “Odometer Update: The Drive to 300K”

  1. Is it Monday already? I’ll cut you some slack since you were early on the last one. I like the thought of a llama ladder. And you’ve probably seen way more than 8000 Applebee’s.

  2. I just rolled 300K on my 2000 Ford Focus last week.
    Comedian Gains Kelly

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