Some Opening Lines


I’m not good at approaching women, so I’ve brainstormed some opening lines to help break the ice:

Hi, I’m pretty awkward around attractive women, so you’re going to have to carry this conversation.

Guess how many muscles I have.

Are you American? I thought so.

I can tell by your posture you’re not a Scientologist.

You are very thin. Are you recovering from a recent illness?

If you and I were both shrunk down 100 times, we’d literally be the only ones in the world for each other.

Can I have your food? I’m hungry.

Hey, I’ve been staring at you for a while, and I’d like to stare at you closer.

May I tell you a street joke? I promise it won’t be racist.

(Takes picture together) This is so we can remember how depressed we looked, before we met.

I’ve just recovered from Shingles and I’m no longer contagious.

Are those breasts?

I’ve always wanted to be an attractive woman like you. What’s it like?

Hi, I’m that lead singer guy from Coldplay, with the nice voice, who says all the sensitive stuff about stars.

Please don’t reject me.

Did you know that I’m talking to you right now?

You are very beautiful, so I’m guessing everything has been handed to you on a platter and therefore you’re not an interesting person, but I’m hoping I’m wrong.

Your smile is how I imagine a leprachaun would smile.

Did you know you’re the most attractive woman in this bathroom?

Don’t be surprised if I kiss you in the next three seconds.

If you’re not attracted to me, it might be because I was just punched repeatedly in the face.

Did I know you in a previous life, and if so, was your name Gwenevere?

If I were going to say one line, that would effectively charm and disarm you at the same time, what would that line be?

The good news is, to my knowledge, I don’t have cancer. The bad news is, that doesn’t mean I definitely don’t have cancer.

Ke$ha? Oh I’m sorry, I had you mistaken for Ke$ha.

Do you remember that guy Puck from the first Real World. I’m not nearly as big of a d-bag as him.

I’d buy you a drink but a) I can’t afford it, and b) it would start a precedent in this relationship in which I buy you things in order to gain your affection, which seems pathetic doesn’t it? So, will you buy me a drink?

The guy you’re with looks kind of like me, doesn’t he?

Can you spare any change? Thanks. By the way, I’m Joe.

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2 Responses to “Some Opening Lines”

  1. haha! Thanks Joe! I’m definitely going to print these out and try them on a few unsuspecting females.

  2. Let me know how it goes Michael, and consider me your wing man.

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