The Greatest Book Ever Book – Introduction

By me (i.e. Joe Zimmerman)

That’s right, this is the introduction of my awesome best selling book. Well, it’s really just a draft of the introduction of my awesome best selling book, which I haven’t written. I’ve always wanted to write a book, for no particular reason other than to just be like “What’s up ladies, so I’ve done something with my time…and yes, it may or may not involve a Barnes & Noble.” Well, the problem for me on writing a book always comes down to the overwhelmingness (yes, I will be inventing words in my book, much like the literary greats have done in the past, such as Shakespeare, Dickens, and Moby Dick)…to the overwhelmingness of stringing so many pages together into cohesive thoughts, and then you get through page 1, and you’re like, NOPE! Better think of something else to do, other than writing a damn book, who likes to read anyway? NO ONE! The world is moving to digital, we don’t even read blogs any more, it’s just one line status updates. That’s the most I read on any given day from one particular author, the 70 characters that twitter allows. Really, Andy is eating a burrito? Well, that’s it for me.

So I will be the first to admit that this book is for me, and me only. In other words, I have no plans of anyone coming up to me and being like, “Wow Joe! You really did it? You really wrote a book? Thank you so much for contributing another book to the world! Lord knows we just don’t seem to have enough books in existence.” I’m not expecting or even hoping for glory, I am merely doing it so I can be like, “Yep, I did it.” That way, if I ever get up the patience to write a second book, I’m thinking it might be decent. 1st one is always a shitter though right? I had a teacher in college (that’s right people, college – Division 1 athlete FYI, golf – BAM!) who said write your first book, and burn it, and then write your second book. Well, I don’t want to burn this, because I’m writing this on my computer, and I don’t want to have to buy a new computer, not to mention lose all of my files and pictures that are saved on this computer.

So back to the point, I have tried and failed to write a book, numerous times, often sputtering out in the page 2 to page 3 range. So my theory is this, I’m pretty good for one page. So my plan is to write a series of 1 page “essays” (and by essays I mean a page filled with words), and then string them together in an incoherent set of chapters, ending in a brilliant (legible) work of hilarious (confusing) essays (completed sentences). So this is the introduction, or not so much the introduction as a draft of the introduction. I’m thinking about callling my book, “The Most awesome book ever book,” or “The Greatest Book ever Book,” or just “Joe Zimmerman’s New York Times Best Selling Book, 104 weeks running.” So sit back and enjoy the flight. (Chapters to come)